I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
