how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
