recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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