He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
