New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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