my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
