I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
