This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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