Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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