My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
this beer tastes like vomit already
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
