Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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