wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
