so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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