i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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