I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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