peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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