You're earring is so big in my mouth
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
