I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
