i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
