Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My dick has a subreddit
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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