but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
