saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
