Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
