Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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