i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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