maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
