I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
