I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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