As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
