I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
