Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
