Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
