Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
