You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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