Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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