covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
