Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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