uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
