i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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