bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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