I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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