A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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