Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
