i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
