the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
