saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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