I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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