someone get that fucking seahorse.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
