Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
