a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
