There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
