she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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