I wish my penis had an off switch
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
