Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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