her vagine was all disorganized.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
