Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
well you can't waste a boner
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
