This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
