Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize