we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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