hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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