You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
