Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
