i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
