Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize