Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
