i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
