For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
